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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: came2dance]
#737666
02/01/2009 00:47
02/01/2009 00:47
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Aah4Fuxake
Unregistered
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Aah4Fuxake
Unregistered
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A vicar checks into a hotel. He tells the receptionist "I am a vicar, I hope the pornography channel in my room is disabled!"
The receptionist replies "No, It is just regular porn, you sick freak"
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#737675
02/01/2009 01:09
02/01/2009 01:09
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symonh2000
Unregistered
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symonh2000
Unregistered
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David Blunkett walks into a shop, picks his guide dog up by its tail and starts swinging it around and around in circles.
The Assistant comes over and says "Can I help you?"
David Blunkett replies "It's OK thanks, I am just having a look around".
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737686
02/01/2009 02:02
02/01/2009 02:02
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MattW
Unregistered
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MattW
Unregistered
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Two cats swam across the English Channel in a race. The first was called One Two Three Cat, the second Un Deux Trois Cat. Which one won?
One Two Three Cat, because Un Deux Trois Cat sank.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737688
02/01/2009 02:05
02/01/2009 02:05
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nrenz123
Unregistered
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nrenz123
Unregistered
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Why did the Koala bear fall out fo the tree?
.....Because he was dead.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737690
02/01/2009 02:15
02/01/2009 02:15
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MattW
Unregistered
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MattW
Unregistered
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What's pink and hard?
A pig with a flick knife.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737697
02/01/2009 04:08
02/01/2009 04:08
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NuIotaChi
Unregistered
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NuIotaChi
Unregistered
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1 1 was a race horse 1 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 1 2
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737706
02/01/2009 05:37
02/01/2009 05:37
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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A vicar checks into a hotel. He tells the receptionist "I am a vicar, I hope the pornography channel in my room is disabled!"
The receptionist replies "No, It is just regular porn, you sick freak" Now that actually made me giggle.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737707
02/01/2009 06:25
02/01/2009 06:25
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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How do you save a bagpiper from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737714
02/01/2009 09:07
02/01/2009 09:07
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I’m from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "So am I!"
"Sure and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!"
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737716
02/01/2009 09:24
02/01/2009 09:24
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Why are old men in nursing homes given viagra? So they don't roll out of bed.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737720
02/01/2009 09:35
02/01/2009 09:35
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.
One says to the other, "Are you alright?"
"No, I lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737724
02/01/2009 09:45
02/01/2009 09:45
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,336 Selby
Mansilla
My job on the forum
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My job on the forum
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,336
Selby
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Two Snowmen are stood in a field.
One says to the other: I can smell carrots.
1. Think of something witty and urbane 2. Imagine it written here
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Mansilla]
#737733
02/01/2009 10:13
02/01/2009 10:13
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Piers
Unregistered
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Piers
Unregistered
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If I ever own a race horse I'm going to call it 'my face'
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737738
02/01/2009 10:34
02/01/2009 10:34
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frary
Unregistered
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frary
Unregistered
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If I ever own a race horse I'm going to call it 'my face'
# took a little while........ a certain amount of enthusiastic cheering is needed
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737753
02/01/2009 11:33
02/01/2009 11:33
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 12,643 Watford
MarioCirillo
Ex El Presidente
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Ex El Presidente
I AM a Coop
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 12,643
Watford
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here is one, its not tooo rude im sure we can handle it so santa went down the chimney one night, he started putting the presents under the tree when a woman walked into the room. "please santa wont you stay" . . . she said with a sexy tone in her voice. "ho ho ho, got to go, got to deliver all the presents to the children you know" the gorgeous blonde slowly removed her night gown "oh come on santa . . . please wont you stay!" Im sorry he replied. . ."Ho Ho Ho got to go, got to deliver all tyhe presents to the children you know!" The lady removed all her clothes and once again asked santa to stay. This time santa looked at her, put down his sack of presets and replied "Hey Hey Hey, Got to Stay, Cant get up the Chimney with a Bon*r In the Way"
Proud Owner of Rosso Speed LE041
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MarioCirillo]
#737808
02/01/2009 12:20
02/01/2009 12:20
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TbirdX
Unregistered
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TbirdX
Unregistered
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2 cannibals eating a clown, 1 looks at the other and says..
"This taste funny to you?"
Cowboy walks into a german car showroom and says Audi
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737809
02/01/2009 12:23
02/01/2009 12:23
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Truffle
Unregistered
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Truffle
Unregistered
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A man is in the hospital recoving from an operation and has been moved from ICU to a standard room. Although he still has the IV and Oxygen, his recovery is progressing fine and he is looking forward to going home in a few days if all looks good to the doctors.
The attending nurse comes into his room and is checking the equipment and his vitals and through his oxygen mask he asks, "are my testicles black?"
The nurse is a bit flabergasted by the question and says, "Sir, I am only here to check on your IV and bloodpressure, you will have to ask your doctor that question"
He repeats himself, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Forcefully she retorts, "Sir that is not part of my duties"
When he asks her again, "are my tesiticles black?" , she senses his urgency and being empathetic to his situation, she lifts his gown grabs him by the sack, looks, and replies, "no, they look fine to me".
He removes his mask and spouts, "Honey, I appreciate the extra attention, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737821
02/01/2009 12:30
02/01/2009 12:30
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eldinho
Unregistered
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eldinho
Unregistered
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Why don't you eat a Curly Wurly at 7am???
It's twirly!
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737839
02/01/2009 12:49
02/01/2009 12:49
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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reception desk at hospital receives phone call:
"Good morning, I just wanted to enquire about Mr. Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov" "How is he doing?"
"Good morning sir - he is doing very well."
"Ah, excellent. And when is he expected to be going home, please."
"All being well, he will be discharged tomorrow morning."
"Thank you, nurse. I appreciate your help."
"You're welcome sir - can I just ask who is calling?"
"Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Gunzi]
#737855
02/01/2009 13:19
02/01/2009 13:19
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,783 In the coupe.
magooagain
Club Member 259
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Club Member 259
Forum is my life
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,783
In the coupe.
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Two parrots siting on a perch. one says to the other Can you smell fish?
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: magooagain]
#737862
02/01/2009 13:27
02/01/2009 13:27
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,101 highlands
jimboy
Club Member 857
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Club Member 857
Forum is my life
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,101
highlands
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OK go on then what do you call a man with seven balaclavas on his head.... anything you want to call him, he wont hear you...boom..boom
I'm an old git & happy with it,most of the time
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: jimboy]
#737880
02/01/2009 13:48
02/01/2009 13:48
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Piers
Unregistered
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Piers
Unregistered
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I've just watched Harry Potter. A bit unrealistic if you ask me...
I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737882
02/01/2009 13:53
02/01/2009 13:53
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Truffle
Unregistered
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Truffle
Unregistered
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Its not ginger, its strawberry blonde
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737893
02/01/2009 14:13
02/01/2009 14:13
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sweetride
Unregistered
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sweetride
Unregistered
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What kind of bee's make milk??? Boobee's
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#737907
02/01/2009 14:50
02/01/2009 14:50
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MrB
Unregistered
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MrB
Unregistered
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What's Jeremy Clarksons PIN number?
0 2 60
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