Ouch

I think the requirement to use the bathroom would be filling the inside of my pants if I opened the bathroom door to that!

I recall a story I read once in the Times of India regarding a tiger which entered someone's house... the writer was in flights of fantasy describing the mist gently rising from the river and the family's home life, "when in through the window jumped a tiger!"

The family left the room via all available exits, shutting the tiger inside with the TV. "The tiger expressed its dissatisfaction with the quality of programming by wrecking the furniture in the room."

I don't know if they still have it, but the ToI used to have a most idiosyncratic style and use of English - full of classical references, unexpected word choices, and latin quotes. I think their journalists were force fed all the English that English journos are required to leave at the door when they get a job...