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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Countrycruising]
#738589
03/01/2009 17:06
03/01/2009 17:06
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Piers
Unregistered
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Piers
Unregistered
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10 reasons why men are lazy:
1)
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#738731
03/01/2009 20:11
03/01/2009 20:11
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owl10
Unregistered
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owl10
Unregistered
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A tanker carrying superglue has overturned on the northbound M6. Police are advising motorists to stick to their own lanes.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#738835
03/01/2009 21:58
03/01/2009 21:58
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porkypaul
Unregistered
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porkypaul
Unregistered
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Removed...
1. It was all in capitals. 2. It didn't make sense. 3. It had too many swear words in it.
Last edited by JimO; 03/01/2009 22:11.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Countrycruising]
#738909
03/01/2009 23:39
03/01/2009 23:39
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craigthecoupe
Unregistered
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craigthecoupe
Unregistered
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a baby seal walks into a club.........
thank you goodnight
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#740451
06/01/2009 07:12
06/01/2009 07:12
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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A lorry carrying one million alarm clocks has overturned and shed its load on a dangerous bend in Cumbria. One police spokesman said "this is a real wake-up call for motorists".
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Countrycruising]
#745633
12/01/2009 18:31
12/01/2009 18:31
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fellie
Unregistered
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fellie
Unregistered
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Why is 6 afraid of 7 ? Because 7, 8, 9 Courtesy of my 12 year old brat darling daughter
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745667
12/01/2009 18:59
12/01/2009 18:59
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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how do you make a snooker table laugh?
put your hand in its pocket and tickle its balls.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745668
12/01/2009 19:00
12/01/2009 19:00
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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what do you call a woman lying in the gutter ?
ingrid!!!
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745670
12/01/2009 19:00
12/01/2009 19:00
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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what do you call a woman setting fire to all her bills???
bernadette! ha ha !
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745671
12/01/2009 19:01
12/01/2009 19:01
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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Bigtop
Unregistered
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what do you call a man with three planks of wood on his head?
edwood wooodwood
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745679
12/01/2009 19:08
12/01/2009 19:08
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Piers
Unregistered
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Piers
Unregistered
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(needs to be told, not read)
What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One's against the law, the other's a sick bird.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745745
12/01/2009 20:19
12/01/2009 20:19
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fellie
Unregistered
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fellie
Unregistered
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What wobbles as it flies?
A jelly-copter.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745752
12/01/2009 20:27
12/01/2009 20:27
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,620 S Wales
chrissy
Tourque Italia member!
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Tourque Italia member!
Forum is my job
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,620
S Wales
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Why did the skeleton burp?
Because he didnt have the guts to fart..........
Last edited by chrissy; 12/01/2009 20:27.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#745758
12/01/2009 20:36
12/01/2009 20:36
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004 Leeds
MattM
OP
I need some sleep
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OP
I need some sleep
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004
Leeds
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1 more i found;
A man had a son, but he was born as only a head. The man loved his son very much and took care of him, even though he was only a head. When the son turned 21, the man took him to a bar.
"One whiskey for my boy, barkeep!" said the man.
"You don't want to do that," said the bartender.
"He's a man, just turned 21! Get him a whiskey!" "I'm serious," the bartender insisted. "It's a bad idea."
"Just do it!" ordered the man.
So the bartender got the head a whiskey, and when he drank it, he sprouted a body! The head and his dad were excited, but the bartender wasn't pleased.
"Wow, another one of those for my boy!" yelled the man.
"It's a really bad idea," the bartender stated.
"Just give him a stupid whiskey! Geez, I'm payin', ain't I?" said the man, a little frustrated now.
So the bartender gave the son a whiskey, and he grew an arm! The father made the bartender give more whiskey to the head, and he grew another arm, a leg, another leg, and finally the head was a whole person.
The son was so excited that he ran into the street, screaming and shouting happily, and was hit by a car and died.
"I told you," the bartender said. "You should've quit while he was a head."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#745823
12/01/2009 22:19
12/01/2009 22:19
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 12,546 Northumberland
AndrewR
I AM a Coop
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I AM a Coop
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 12,546
Northumberland
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A man goes to the doctor's and the doctor says, "I've got some good news and some bad news".
"What's the bad news", asks the man.
"Your test results have come back", says the doc, "and they show that you only have 3 months to live"
"Oh my god! That is bad news ... what's the good news?"
"Well", says the doctor, "Do you see that gorgeous blonde nurse with the huge chest over there? I shagged her last night!".
Dear monos, a secret truth.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: AndrewR]
#745831
12/01/2009 22:32
12/01/2009 22:32
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SimonCoupe
Unregistered
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SimonCoupe
Unregistered
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Q. Why did Ronaldo crash his Ferrari?
A. 'cos he's crap at corners!
Last edited by SimonCoupe; 12/01/2009 22:32.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745898
12/01/2009 23:54
12/01/2009 23:54
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TbirdX
Unregistered
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TbirdX
Unregistered
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A couple are at the doctors, the doctor pulls the guy to one side and says...
"I'm sorry to tell you sir but your wife has either aids or alzheimers. "Can't you tell which" asks the man "No" says the doctor "What should I do" Asks the man "Take her into town and leave her there, if she finds her way home, don't shag her".
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#745903
13/01/2009 00:03
13/01/2009 00:03
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004 Leeds
MattM
OP
I need some sleep
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OP
I need some sleep
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,004
Leeds
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For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#754971
24/01/2009 15:03
24/01/2009 15:03
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MattW
Unregistered
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MattW
Unregistered
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How do you get 2 whales in a mini? Up the M4
Last edited by MattW; 24/01/2009 15:15. Reason: changed it for you!
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#754974
24/01/2009 15:10
24/01/2009 15:10
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NuIotaChi
Unregistered
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NuIotaChi
Unregistered
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better answer is: up the M4
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#754976
24/01/2009 15:15
24/01/2009 15:15
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MattW
Unregistered
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MattW
Unregistered
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I think that might have been the proper answer, yes.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#766391
06/02/2009 12:00
06/02/2009 12:00
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MattW
Unregistered
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MattW
Unregistered
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2)What do you call a french man wearing sandals?
"Felipe Fillop" Man. I cant see or hear about flip flops any more without this joke popping into my head.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#766486
06/02/2009 13:32
06/02/2009 13:32
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symonh2000
Unregistered
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symonh2000
Unregistered
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I went to a fortune teller yesterday. She said "We are closed". I said "Could you not tell I was coming"?.
Anyway we sat down and she said "You will not have anymore children". And after that her crystal ball rolled off the table and crushed my Knackers.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#766625
06/02/2009 15:31
06/02/2009 15:31
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frary
Unregistered
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frary
Unregistered
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I went to a fortune teller yesterday. She said "We are closed". I said "Could you not tell I was coming"?.
Anyway we sat down and she said "You will not have anymore children". And after that her crystal ball rolled off the table and crushed my Knackers. bom bom,,,,,
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