From my three years ownership I think that these are the rules of Coupé ownership as expressed on these pages!

1a - Paint. This must remain a one stock colour with no bold graphics, highlights or be two tone.The only exception being if the colour used is from another Italian car maker and is of a cool hue.

1b - Paint. Whatever colour you Coupé is, it is the best colour and all other colours are inferior and you must remind others of this at every opportunity. (But you all know that Portofino Blue is the best really)

2 - No Abarth badges. Penalty - you will have the pi$$ taken out of you.

3 - No Ferrari badges. Penalty - You will be sent to the naughty step and made to watch Pulling Power.

4 - No spoilers. Penalty - you will be made to watch Mike Brewer trying to sell cars on Auto Trader.

5 - A 16v model is better than a 20v.

6 - A 20v model is better than a 16v.

7 - You must flash your headlights and/or wave when you see another Coupé - then report it on the Coupé spotting section of the Forum ASAP.


Add more as you see fit.

8. check the oil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1a - Paint. This must remain a one stock colour with no bold graphics, highlights or be two tone.The only exception being if the colour used is from another Italian car maker and is of a cool hue.

1b - Paint. Whatever colour you Coupé is, it is the best colour and all other colours are inferior and you must remind others of this at every opportunity. (But you all know that Portofino Blue is the best really)

2 - No Abarth badges. Penalty - you will have the pi$$ taken out of you.

3 - No Ferrari badges. Penalty - You will be sent to the naughty step and made to watch Pulling Power.

4 - No spoilers. Penalty - you will be made to watch Mike Brewer trying to sell cars on Auto Trader.

5 - A 16v model is better than a 20v.

6 - A 20v model is better than a 16v.

7 - You must flash your headlights and/or wave when you see another Coupé - then report it on the Coupé spotting section of the Forum ASAP.

8 - Check your oil (Before anyone else adds it! EDIT: Dammit! beaten to it!)

9 - No 'Turbo' or 'Coupe' badges from Halfrauds. Penalty - you will look a dick.

10 - If a kid says "Nice Ferrari", say nothing other than "Thank You". We were all kids once, one day they'll realise its better than that. (Well, the 20vt anyway..... He winks while invoking rule 6)

11 - The Coupe must be incorporated into the family holiday photo at least once each holiday

12. You must always panic and think the worst when the engine makes an unusual noise in traffic, coupe paranoia rules!

13. Once sold you must repeatedly tell the Coupe community it's the worst car ever made

14: if it has been raining at all and your just setting off..you must pop the window down just enough to drench your right arm

15. Its mandatory to come up with illogical reasons why your spec of car is 'better' than another spec of car. For example "Pah.. I wouldn't have aircon because it would lose me 1.5bhp"

4b - If you must have a spoiler it HAS to be the factory / Zender one.

16) If your coop is standing in a traffic jam for longer than 12 seconds you must turn off the engine to prevent overheating (more coop paranoia)!

17a) Wherever possible, taking up 2 parking spaces is mandatory

17b) Anyone coming within 2 feet of the car is asking to be given the evil eye unless they are part of the coop fraternity of course

18) There is no point trying to use the horn in anger, as by the time you have found the thing the other party is too far away to hear it!

19) always feel free to smoke as the ashtray is always open
20)when asked why the brakes squeel always reply the discs need bedding in
21)always remember your coop is faster than anything else on the road especialy when in third gear
22)the white smoke on start up is just the condensation
23)when asked, you bought the car for its styling rather than reliabilty
24)never carry loose change you will only loose it as your arse slides around on the seats
25)when asked about your good thigh muscles, its due to trying to stop your arse sliding all over the seats.
painterman

26) The airbag light always comes back on - live with it

hahaha. Funniest thread in long time.
Keep it coming.

27) Give the car a full blast through the rev range at least once a week to make sure it "feels" as fast as it should. If it doesnt, isolate a noise that you dont think it should be making and put two and two together, there are plenty to choose from!

28) If unsure which type of oil to use, start a new thread in the general maintenance section (or one of the surrounding ones) and await friendly advice and assistance.

29) If your petrol gauge is so low the light comes on, drive the wrong way around a roundabout and voila... you have 1/8 tankful for free!

30) Group Buys will always take place the moment you have no money.

31)For every item you tick off of your 'to-do' list, 3 more are added.

32) All unknown and unwanted squeaks and rattles can be fixed by a single button. Vol +

33) Be prepared for problems!
34) Any women that have no clue about your car, tell them it's a mini-Ferrari

35. Handbrake turns are a myth.
36. The man who invented three point turns didn't own a 20VT.

37. Scars on your hands and arms from working on your coupe ARE attractive to members of the opposite sex.

37) If you need some new tyres, start a new thread in general maintencance

38) Get your thermostat replaced bi-anually

39) Always explain to people the reason you've gone the long way round is because the coupe cant go over speedbumps/make it round mini-roundabouts

40) Whenever you have parked your coupe, turn around at least twice to admire it while walking away.

41) Keep a designated space next to your front door for a bottle of oil.

42) The very best Coupes are the "unmolested" standard examples, unless yours is heavily modded, in which case modded examples are definitely superior

43) Remember that all the inferior coupes are devolved forms of the epitome of excellence - the 16v NA.

44) All coupes should have a widget

45) The handbrake lever is to assist old gits with dodgy backs (me) to get in and out of the car - it has little or no use as a device for holding the vehicle stationary

42. Leave a lr of oil in the boot.

42. Leave a toolkit in the boot.

43. Have every spare fuse you can think of in the glove box.

46) there will be a bi-monthly discussion about mpg, during which people will claim stellar mileage on a signle tank, right up to the point that someone mentions is a 220bhp sporty car and should be driven like one (the exception being the imposition of rule 6, in that the 16v N/A is really only a pretend sporty car and is allowed to claim lots og mpg )

suba - type quicker

47. Minor chips and scratches must always be rectified by a full respray.

48. Explain the fact that the bonnet wont open without someone giving an assisting tug as a safety feature