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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1483818
16/04/2014 09:44
16/04/2014 09:44
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702 Cornwall
jasgol
Enjoying the ride
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Enjoying the ride
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
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I'm a bit down at the moment. I've just split with my girlfriend. She was a midget…I was nuts over her.
Horsing around's a serious business.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1483821
16/04/2014 09:56
16/04/2014 09:56
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 12,546 Northumberland
AndrewR
I AM a Coop
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I AM a Coop
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 12,546
Northumberland
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Two mice who live in a theatre are watching the ballet one night.
"Haven't those ballerinas got lovely legs?" says one.
"I'm a titmouse myself" replies the other.
Dear monos, a secret truth.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1484223
18/04/2014 22:51
18/04/2014 22:51
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,636 Aldershot
PeteP
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
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Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,636
Aldershot
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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger? In honour of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days but before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde who enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents,but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen Very Carefully. FOR...THE...LAST...TIME"
"BRING POSSE!"
16VT and X1/9 1500
We must all do our part for the planet. I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1484342
20/04/2014 08:15
20/04/2014 08:15
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go_fast_Chris
Unregistered
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go_fast_Chris
Unregistered
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why did the one handed man cross the road ?
to get to the second hand shop.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1485294
27/04/2014 09:14
27/04/2014 09:14
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702 Cornwall
jasgol
Enjoying the ride
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Enjoying the ride
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
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My racing snail was not winning races any more, so I decided to remove his shell to make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work. If anything it made him more sluggish.
Horsing around's a serious business.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1485532
28/04/2014 17:24
28/04/2014 17:24
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glenn1960
Unregistered
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glenn1960
Unregistered
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Snow White gets followed home by the 7 dwarfs and she goes into her bedroom and shuts the door. The dwarfs arent stupid and realise if they stand on one anothers shoulders, the top one can look through the glass panel above the door.So Dopey is on top and passes messages down to the others, taking it in turn to relate the message to the one below them "taking her blouse off"...." taking her blouse off "..."taking her blouse off " "taking her skirt off " "taking her skirt off " and so on Then Dopey turns round and sees someone approaching,.. " oh shit, someones coming " " and me " " and me " " and me " " and me " " and me " " and me "
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1486064
01/05/2014 06:39
01/05/2014 06:39
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perthling
Unregistered
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perthling
Unregistered
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Did you hear about two peanuts who walked down a dark alley?
One was assaulted.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1486065
01/05/2014 06:40
01/05/2014 06:40
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perthling
Unregistered
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perthling
Unregistered
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(My second favourite joke...)
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1486369
02/05/2014 20:48
02/05/2014 20:48
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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I had mine installed three years ago and was shocked to open the door to two bailiffs yesterday. They demanded money for it. I'm sure the salesman told me at the time that in two years it would pay for itself.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1486372
02/05/2014 20:53
02/05/2014 20:53
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,294 Portsmouth
ali_hire
Forum is my life
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Forum is my life
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,294
Portsmouth
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Stolen from a letter to Viz. "If Max Clifford is so good at PR, why does everyone think he's such a ?"
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1494779
19/06/2014 15:25
19/06/2014 15:25
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,636 Aldershot
PeteP
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
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Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,636
Aldershot
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On a recent trip to the United States , Tony Blair, Ex. Labour Prime Minister of the UK and now U.N. Middle East Peace Envoy, addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians. He spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing about a lasting peace settlement amongst the warring nations of the Middle East, likening it to the way that the U.S. Government found a suitable agreement with the North American tribes. At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.
16VT and X1/9 1500
We must all do our part for the planet. I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1495574
25/06/2014 05:24
25/06/2014 05:24
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perthling
Unregistered
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perthling
Unregistered
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I bought a new Tait's GPS and was using it for the first time when I found I was miles off course.
Then I realised that he who has a Tait's is lost.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1496010
27/06/2014 18:47
27/06/2014 18:47
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TbirdX
Unregistered
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TbirdX
Unregistered
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Today I put all my christmas decorations up myself... Now I've got to go to the hospital to have them removed.
Last edited by TbirdX; 27/06/2014 18:54.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1502635
11/08/2014 20:41
11/08/2014 20:41
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go_fast_Chris
Unregistered
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go_fast_Chris
Unregistered
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whats green and turns red at a flick of a switch..... frog in a blender
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