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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1469962
22/01/2014 15:31
22/01/2014 15:31
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 17,227 FCSS 01684 593187
Countrycruising
Club Rep Europe, member 914
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Club Rep Europe, member 914
Forum veteran
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 17,227
FCSS 01684 593187
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There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most. "He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again?" He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head".
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1470006
22/01/2014 18:48
22/01/2014 18:48
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650 Dark side of the Moon
H_R
My life on the forum
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My life on the forum
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650
Dark side of the Moon
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FIRST TIME SEX ............ A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.' The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist..'
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: JKD]
#1473422
09/02/2014 20:04
09/02/2014 20:04
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,144 Southampton, Hants
Roadking
Club member 1809
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Club member 1809
Forum is my life
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,144
Southampton, Hants
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A teacher asked her junior class to names things ending in "tor" that ate things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator". ... "Very good James, that's a big word", said the teacher.
The second little boy said, "Predator".
"Yes, that's another big word", said the teacher.
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator".
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That's a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything".
Johnny says, "Well my sister has one and she says it eats f***king batteries like there is no tomorrow".
"RK's way seems the most sensible to me". ali_hire 16 Dec 2010
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1474207
13/02/2014 18:47
13/02/2014 18:47
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702 Cornwall
jasgol
Enjoying the ride
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Enjoying the ride
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
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I feared my wife had Tourette's, so I took her to see a psychiatrist. The good news? She's not got it. The bad news? I am a and she does want me to off.
Horsing around's a serious business.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1477595
05/03/2014 21:07
05/03/2014 21:07
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RoyH
Unregistered
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RoyH
Unregistered
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I was in a pub on Saturday night when this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said "Give me your number sexy."
I replied "Have you got a pen?"
She smiled and said "Yes"
I replied
"Well you better get back in it, before the farmer notices you're missing."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1477621
05/03/2014 22:34
05/03/2014 22:34
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000 Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V
Competition Level
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Competition Level
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
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A man received the following text from his neighbour:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1477624
05/03/2014 22:44
05/03/2014 22:44
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 194 Berkshire
workshy
On a journey
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On a journey
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 194
Berkshire
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A man received the following text from his neighbour:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
I see you changed the name to 'Bob' so as not to prejudice any current trials!
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