Fiat Coupe Forum
- Founded by Kayjey & James Northam
- Funded by the Club for the benefit of all owners
Fiat Coupe Club UK
join the club
Fiat Coupe Forum
 
» Announced
    Posting images


» Related sites
    Main club site
    fiatcoupe.net


» External data
    owners listed
 
Who's Online Now
2 registered members (386ka, 1 invisible), 275 guests, and 1 spider.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums69
Topics113,543
Posts1,340,417
Members1,785
Most Online731
Jan 14th, 2020
Top Posters(All Time)
barnacle 33,520
stan 32,122
Theresa 23,294
PeteP 21,480
bockers 21,070
JimO 17,917
Nigel 17,366
Edinburgh 16,659
RSS Feeds
Club Events
Club Information
Track Events
Rolling Road/RWYB
Social Events
Non-UK Events
Coupé Related Chat
Coupé Spotting
Coupé News/Press
Buying/Selling Advice
Insuring a Coupé
Basic FAQ's
How to Guides
Forum Issues
Technical Problems
General Maintenance
Styling
Tuning
Handling
ICE and Alarm
Coupés for Sale
Coupés Wanted
Parts for Sale
Parts Wanted
Group Buys
Business Forum
Other Vehicles for Sale/Wanted
Other Items for Sale/Wanted
Haggling/Offers
Ebay links
Other Cars
Other Websites
General Chat
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 20 of 27 1 2 18 19 20 21 22 26 27
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1526284
18/02/2015 22:01
18/02/2015 22:01
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I invented the sandal for people with one leg.

It was a flop.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1526285
18/02/2015 22:03
18/02/2015 22:03
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
My dad always said to me, "Take it with a pinch of salt."

Nice man. Made horrible tea.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1526286
18/02/2015 22:04
18/02/2015 22:04
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent.

Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: bezzer] #1526287
18/02/2015 22:10
18/02/2015 22:10
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Sean Connery walks into a library and asks for a book on solo photography.

"Shelf E," replied the librarian.

"Aye that's the one," said Sean

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Paul_V] #1526685
21/02/2015 15:47
21/02/2015 15:47

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



Originally Posted By: Paul_V
I invented the sandal for people with one leg.

It was a flop.



Love it! keep 'em short, keep 'em crap. That's what I always say. biglaugh

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1526699
21/02/2015 16:56
21/02/2015 16:56
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
jasgol Offline
Enjoying the ride
jasgol  Offline
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
Q: Why do you see bags of white
sugar everywhere but hardly any
bags of brown sugar?
A: Because Demerara.


Horsing around's a serious business.
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1526712
21/02/2015 17:39
21/02/2015 17:39

F
fiatphil
Unregistered
fiatphil
Unregistered
F



Q. What is E.T short for?

A. Because he only has little legs.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #1526716
21/02/2015 17:47
21/02/2015 17:47

E
Enforcer
Unregistered
Enforcer
Unregistered
E



All right! Bring it on!! This is what I'm talking about! biglaugh

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1527107
24/02/2015 08:54
24/02/2015 08:54

F
fiatphil
Unregistered
fiatphil
Unregistered
F



Jonathon Ross has been found guilty of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco

Ross said it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #1527164
24/02/2015 13:50
24/02/2015 13:50
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I went on a Hot Chocolate themed picnic once.

It started with a quiche...

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #1527165
24/02/2015 13:53
24/02/2015 13:53
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
The inventor of throat lozenges has died.

There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1527167
24/02/2015 14:02
24/02/2015 14:02
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650
Dark side of the Moon
H_R Offline
My life on the forum
H_R  Offline
My life on the forum

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650
Dark side of the Moon
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1530249
17/03/2015 18:40
17/03/2015 18:40
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
PeteP  Offline
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480
Aldershot
I am a fan of old American bikes and really fancied the idea of a tattoo on my back, so I went off to the tattoo parlour and said to the guy that I wanted an Indian done across my back.

He was a bit of a way through when I had a thought and said to him 'What would look really cool is if he could be wielding a tomahawk in his hand'.

He replied 'Give me a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!'


16VT and X1/9 1500

We must all do our part for the planet.
I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1530266
17/03/2015 20:01
17/03/2015 20:01
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,520
Berlin
barnacle Offline
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
barnacle  Offline
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
Forum Demigod

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,520
Berlin
I knew a skinny kid, used to ride BSA and had the leather jacket with the initials picked out in studs on the back.

As he said - he wanted to ride a Harley Davidson, but he didn't have the body for it!


[Linked Image]
Don't get no respect! Coupe Fiat 1994-2000 - an owner's guide <-- clicky!
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: barnacle] #1530483
19/03/2015 12:56
19/03/2015 12:56
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day. He's head of quality control at Walkers.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: barnacle] #1530490
19/03/2015 13:04
19/03/2015 13:04
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Someone I know told me that he wanted to move to Liverpool with his girlfriend and have a baby there.

I thought, "It will never work."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1530982
22/03/2015 21:26
22/03/2015 21:26
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
Robotrish Offline
Enjoying the ride
Robotrish  Offline
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)


click to enlarge

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1530985
22/03/2015 21:50
22/03/2015 21:50

D
dlongstaff
Unregistered
dlongstaff
Unregistered
D



rofl

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: ] #1532318
31/03/2015 20:50
31/03/2015 20:50
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
Robotrish Offline
Enjoying the ride
Robotrish  Offline
Enjoying the ride

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
May be a re-post


Lisa was in the fertilised egg business. She had several hundred young ‘pullets’ and ten roosters to fertilise the eggs.
She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.
Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Lisa’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen: but, this morning she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn't rung at all!
When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
Lisa’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.
He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Lisa was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in the Dowerin Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Peace Prize”: they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election. You can’t always hear the bells.
You will certainly hear the Bull---t

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1532326
31/03/2015 21:45
31/03/2015 21:45
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger, but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1532327
31/03/2015 21:54
31/03/2015 21:54
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650
Dark side of the Moon
H_R Offline
My life on the forum
H_R  Offline
My life on the forum

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650
Dark side of the Moon
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1532328
31/03/2015 21:54
31/03/2015 21:54
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I went to see a psychiatrist recently as I'm convinced I'm a parcel. Unfortunately he was unable treat me, so if anyone has any ideas how to conquer this terrible affliction...

Keep me posted.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: Robotrish] #1532334
31/03/2015 23:06
31/03/2015 23:06
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
Paul_V Offline
Competition Level
Paul_V  Offline
Competition Level

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,000
Costa Del Sawley
I saw a slide with an 85 degree incline for sale the other day for £1000.

I thought that's a bit steep.

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1532477
01/04/2015 21:56
01/04/2015 21:56
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,609
S. Wales. Way beyond my means
Gripped Offline
Club member 1924
Gripped  Offline
Club member 1924
Forum is my job

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,609
S. Wales. Way beyond my means
They've done a prequel to the Bourne Series of films.

It's called the Bourne Yesterday.

I'm quite proud of that one.


Last edited by Gripped; 01/04/2015 21:56.
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1532755
04/04/2015 15:46
04/04/2015 15:46
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 226
Netherlands
Henklia Offline
Making a profit
Henklia  Offline
Making a profit

Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 226
Netherlands
Two men talking about their mother-in-law.
First man: My mother-in-law is an angel.
The second man: you're lucky, mine is still alive

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1535104
23/04/2015 15:24
23/04/2015 15:24

M
Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
M



A couple are walking in St. Petersburg on Christmas Eve, when they feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining" Says the man.

"I think it's snowing" Says the woman.

"I'll ask that communist officer over there, he'll know" exclaims the man - "exuse me, officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining" replies officer Rudolph, without hesitation.

The man looked back at his wife with a smile "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1535105
23/04/2015 15:26
23/04/2015 15:26

M
Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
M



How about a limerick to lower the tone?

There once was a woman from Kew,
Who said, as the Bishop withdrew:
"The Vicar is quicker,
and slicker and thicker,
and four inches longer than you."

Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1535111
23/04/2015 16:32
23/04/2015 16:32
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,520
Berlin
barnacle Offline
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
barnacle  Offline
Club Member 18 - ex-Minister without Portfolio
Forum Demigod

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 33,520
Berlin
There was a young chap from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
But they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.


[Linked Image]
Don't get no respect! Coupe Fiat 1994-2000 - an owner's guide <-- clicky!
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: barnacle] #1535124
23/04/2015 17:42
23/04/2015 17:42
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 16,659
Auld Reekie
Edinburgh Offline
Club President, member225
Edinburgh  Offline
Club President, member225
Forum veteran

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 16,659
Auld Reekie
There was a young girl from Baroda
Who built an erotic pagoda,
The walls of its halls
Were festooned with the b***s
And the t***s of the fools that bestroda.


BumbleBee carer smile
Re: Crap joke thread [Re: MattM] #1535194
24/04/2015 10:24
24/04/2015 10:24
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480
Aldershot
PeteP Offline
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
PeteP  Offline
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480
Aldershot
I just want to warn members to look out for emails trying to sell tickets to the Eskimo lottery. Do not buy them, you have to be Inuit to win it!


16VT and X1/9 1500

We must all do our part for the planet.
I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
Page 20 of 27 1 2 18 19 20 21 22 26 27

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1
(Release build 20190129)
PHP: 7.3.33 Page Time: 0.026s Queries: 15 (0.016s) Memory: 0.8992 MB (Peak: 1.0938 MB) Data Comp: Off Server Time: 2024-03-28 09:20:41 UTC