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Most Online731 Jan 14th, 2020
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1526685
21/02/2015 15:47
21/02/2015 15:47
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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I invented the sandal for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Love it! keep 'em short, keep 'em crap. That's what I always say.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1526699
21/02/2015 16:56
21/02/2015 16:56
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702 Cornwall
jasgol
Enjoying the ride
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Enjoying the ride
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 702
Cornwall
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Q: Why do you see bags of white sugar everywhere but hardly any bags of brown sugar? A: Because Demerara.
Horsing around's a serious business.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1526712
21/02/2015 17:39
21/02/2015 17:39
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fiatphil
Unregistered
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fiatphil
Unregistered
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Q. What is E.T short for?
A. Because he only has little legs.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1526716
21/02/2015 17:47
21/02/2015 17:47
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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Enforcer
Unregistered
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All right! Bring it on!! This is what I'm talking about!
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1527107
24/02/2015 08:54
24/02/2015 08:54
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fiatphil
Unregistered
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fiatphil
Unregistered
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Jonathon Ross has been found guilty of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco
Ross said it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1530249
17/03/2015 18:40
17/03/2015 18:40
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480 Aldershot
PeteP
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
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Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480
Aldershot
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I am a fan of old American bikes and really fancied the idea of a tattoo on my back, so I went off to the tattoo parlour and said to the guy that I wanted an Indian done across my back.
He was a bit of a way through when I had a thought and said to him 'What would look really cool is if he could be wielding a tomahawk in his hand'.
He replied 'Give me a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!'
16VT and X1/9 1500
We must all do our part for the planet. I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1530985
22/03/2015 21:50
22/03/2015 21:50
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dlongstaff
Unregistered
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dlongstaff
Unregistered
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1532318
31/03/2015 20:50
31/03/2015 20:50
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735 Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
Robotrish
Enjoying the ride
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Enjoying the ride
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 735
Yorks (near Rhubarb Triangle)
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May be a re-post
Lisa was in the fertilised egg business. She had several hundred young ‘pullets’ and ten roosters to fertilise the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. Lisa’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen: but, this morning she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. Lisa’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one. Lisa was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in the Dowerin Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Peace Prize”: they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise" as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention? Vote carefully in the next election. You can’t always hear the bells. You will certainly hear the Bull---t
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1532327
31/03/2015 21:54
31/03/2015 21:54
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650 Dark side of the Moon
H_R
My life on the forum
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My life on the forum
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,650
Dark side of the Moon
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Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.' The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?' 'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1535104
23/04/2015 15:24
23/04/2015 15:24
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Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
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Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
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A couple are walking in St. Petersburg on Christmas Eve, when they feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining" Says the man.
"I think it's snowing" Says the woman.
"I'll ask that communist officer over there, he'll know" exclaims the man - "exuse me, officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining" replies officer Rudolph, without hesitation.
The man looked back at his wife with a smile "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1535105
23/04/2015 15:26
23/04/2015 15:26
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Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
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Matt_Ogram
Unregistered
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How about a limerick to lower the tone?
There once was a woman from Kew, Who said, as the Bishop withdrew: "The Vicar is quicker, and slicker and thicker, and four inches longer than you."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1535194
24/04/2015 10:24
24/04/2015 10:24
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480 Aldershot
PeteP
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
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Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,480
Aldershot
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I just want to warn members to look out for emails trying to sell tickets to the Eskimo lottery. Do not buy them, you have to be Inuit to win it!
16VT and X1/9 1500
We must all do our part for the planet. I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
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